August 2008 issue

A Bolt From The Blue!

So, you're a voiceover artist with a home studio. What do you need most of all (besides paying gigs?) Peace and quiet, so you can work without background noise!

Thunder storms, wind, and lightning striking a 100' tall hackberry tree outside your window don't help. Nor do the tractors, wood chippers and chain saws that sang all day to remove said tree. This, in part, explans the slightly tardy arrival of this newsletter. I was busy watching!

In reality, we were extremely lucky on several counts: The tree didn't hit our house. The lightning didn't jump to our electrical system and burn out computers and audio gear. The tree landed mostly in our neighbor's yard and did absolutely no property damage... missing his house and deck by less than an inch!! Also, our neighbors are very friendly, understanding people who gave us no grief at all about getting the mess cleaned up.

Our insurance company (Kemper) was a joy to deal with, taking care of everything without hesitation. I just wish that our "bolt from the blue" had taken out something not quite so magnificent as this very old, and once very healthy hackberry. But, otherwise, it was just a spectacular non-event. Thank goodness!!

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Who Said That?

I don't sneak up on myself very often, but it happened at the local movie house recently. Irene and I decided to see Ben Stiller's latest comedy, "Tropic Thunder" (which is great fun, by the way) and, as we walked into the auditorium, the commercials and previews had already started.Irene said, "That's you!!"

I said, "No, it's just some guy that sounds like me..." But, son of a gun, it WAS me!! I had forgotten that I had done a theater tailer promoting Charlotte's Whitewater park. Oddly, in the decades that I've been voicing scripts, I've never heard myself on a giagantic sound system such as those in modern movie theaters. Do I really sound like that?

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"Back" to the Future

I sure got a lot of response to my little story about back trouble and chiropractors in the last issue!! Some passed along similar stories, finding success with the bone crunchers. Others warned of eveything from paralysis to strokes at the hands of charlatain practicioners. Thanks... I think.

The bottom line for me is this: I now walk around completely upright, without a limp, and I smile a lot more. No drugs. No pain. No bull!!

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Issues? What Issues?

Oh, c'mon... I'm a nice guy. Really! So why do I get hired to sling so much mud in election years? (They tell me it just sounds so much muddier when I say it.)

I'm dishin' the dirt in states from North Dakota to Louisiana, Wisconsin to Georgia. And the scripts always seem to take so much time pointing out the failings of one's opponant, there's no time left to explain why you should vote for anyone!

When you're in the voting booth this November, remember this... Ads aren't information! If you don't know who stands for what before you vote, you're wasting your vote.

Featured Client

For the past few months, I've had the pleasure of working with a new client in Detroit, Colombo Media, producing broadcast ads for Davenport University. Working with Stuart Goldberg via phone-patch, the production is done entirely in my home studio and sent to stations via the internet using my FTP site.

It was a very pleasant, and unexpected surprise to receive a personal message from Chris Colombo, the agency founder, thanking me for doing such good work.

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Such A Deal!!

I would like to sell my BMW 740il. It's a 2000 model, with the GPS system built into the dash... nice big screen!

Did I mention that the motor is totally dead, and I still owe thousands on it? That a new motor would cost three times what the car is worth... after it's fixed?

Any takers? It'd make a swell planter box, if you cut the top off.

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Watermelon Treat!

A caterer friend of mine once cut a plug out of the end of a ripe, seedless watermelon, and emptied a bottle of vodka into the opening. He replaced the plug and refrigerated it for a day or two, planning to surprise a friend's gathering that weekend.

Asked how it turned out, and he said it was weird... His waiter delivered the treat to the wrong banquet, made up of several dozen clergymen. Waiting nervously to see if anyone raised a hue and cry, the waiter noticed something.

As they ate, several of the reverends were seen slipping the seeds into their pockets! Nobody ever complained.

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